Karl Pilkington Quotes - Page 3

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.

If you’re not happy looking a knob in the face, there’s something wrong.

I've always wanted to kick a duck up the arse

We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about

Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

I could eat a knob at night.

I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.

Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. [...] I'd seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him.

The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.

People say Dolphins are intelligent and that but they’ve never done anything that have blown me away. They say I’m a div and Dolphins are intelligent…It just baffles me.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

I came up with a good idea... see-through skin.

What I mean is, I don't know what I mean.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.

If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about.

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.

We are always making more and more stuff in the world. You know; big buildings, big planes, big boats and that. Will we ever get to a point where all this is too heavy for the world to handle?

Every problem solved is a problem made.

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book.'

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.