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Terry Pratchett Quotes - Page 44

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Walter Plinge said: You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer! Oh, yes, said Nanny. About houses on fire, I expect... Yes! What would I take out of our house

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would I take out of our house if it was on fire!" "I expect you were a good boy and said you'd take your mum," said Nanny. "No! My mum would take herself!" "What would you take out then, Walter?" Nanny said. "The fire!

Terry Pratchett
Silly, Boys, Fire

This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.

Terry Pratchett
Calling, Said, Being Cool

There is always a choice." "You mean I could choose certain death?" "A choice nevertheless, or perhaps an alternative. You see I believe in freedom. Not many people do, although they will of course protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.

Terry Pratchett
Believe, Mean, People
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Going Postal: (Discworld Novel 33)”, p.26, Random House

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

Terry Pratchett
Smoking, Three, Halls

- DON’T WORRY, IT WON’T BE FOREVER. - Good. - IT MAY SEEM LIKE FOREVER.

Terry Pratchett
Worry, Forever, May

As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children’s wallpaper as well was a mystery. Hello, little folk, this is what you’re going to eat… He felt that if only he could find the key to it, he’d know a lot more about human beings.

Terry Pratchett
Children, Keys, Pigs
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Hogfather: (Discworld Novel 20)”, p.411, Random House

…We were born vampires." "I thought you became –" "— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don’t want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around." He sighed. "Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn.

Terry Pratchett
People, Chocolate, Vampire

She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person.

Terry Pratchett
Mirrors, Fats, Persons

Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart

Terry Pratchett
Children, Home, Heart

Anyway, lots of warrior tribes think that when they die, they go to a heavenly land somewhere," said the toad. "You know, where they can drink and fight and feast forever? So maybe this is theirs." "But this is a real place!" "So? That's what they believe. Besides, they're only small. Maybe the universe is a bit crowded and they have to put heavens anywhere there's room? I'm a toad, so you'll appreciate that I'm having to guess a lot here.

Terry Pratchett
Real, Believe, Warrior

The people of Ankh-Morpork had a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to entertainment, and while they were looking forward to seeing a dragon slain, they'd be happy to settle instead for seeing someone being baked alive in his own armour. You didn't get the chance every day to see someone baked alive in their own armour. It would be something for the children to remember.

Terry Pratchett
Children, Dragons, People

She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the foldin' o' the arms, the foooldin' o' the aaaarmss!" cried Daft Wullie, dropping to the ground and trying to cover himself with leaves. Around him Feegles started to wail and cower and Big Yan began to bang his head on the rear wall of the dairy.

Terry Pratchett
Wall, Funeral, Missing

Interesting thing, these fellows never seem to get the idea of perspective-' The Bursar thought, or received the thought: that's because perspective is a lie. If I know a pond is round then why should I draw it oval? I will draw it round because round is true. Why should my brush lie to you just because my eye lies to me?

Terry Pratchett
Lying, Eye, Ideas

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.

Terry Pratchett
Mother, Country, Hero
Terry Pratchett (2009). “Jingo: (Discworld Novel 21)”, p.175, Random House

She had heard it said that, before you could understand anybody, you needed to walk a mile in their shoes, which did not make a whole lot of sense, because probably AFTER you had walked a mile in their shoes, you would understand that they were chasing you and accusing you of the theft of a pair of shoes--although, of course, you could probably outrun them, owing to their lack of footwear.

Terry Pratchett
Shoes, Owing, Pairs

Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they're there, they know they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree that they have a place in a well-organised universe, but they wouldn't see the point of believing, of going around saying "O great table, without whom we are as naught." Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe in them or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees.

Terry Pratchett
Believe, People, Purpose
Terry Pratchett (2009). “Reaper Man: A Novel of Discworld”, p.28, Harper Collins

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter's wheel. That's how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief resume of the lives of most gods suggests that their origins certainly couldn't be divine. They tend to do exactly the things people would do if only they could, especially when it comes to nymphs, golden showers, and the smiting of your enemies.

Terry Pratchett
Nymphs, People, Enemy

Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice.

Terry Pratchett
Fate, Men, Games
Terry Pratchett (2009). “Soul Music: (Discworld Novel 16)”, p.16, Random House

I mean, you're right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff--well, if you could see them all in Heaven--serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league of us, flaming swords, all that, well, what I'm trying to say is who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them? If that's your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.

Terry Pratchett
War, Mean, Ideas

I would like permission to fetch a note from my mother, sir' Ridcully sighed. 'Rincewind, you once informed me, to my everlasting puzzlement, that you never knew your mother because she ran away before you were born. Distinctly remember writing it down in my diary. Would you like another try?' 'Permission to go and find my mother?'

Terry Pratchett
Mother, Writing, Trying

Good or bad, do it as you. Too many lies and there's no truth to go back to.

Terry Pratchett
Lying

Got to be worth a try, I suppose," said Crowley. "It's not as if I haven't got lots of other work to do, God knows." His forehead creased for a moment, and then he slapped the steering wheel triumphantly. "Ducks!" he shouted. "What?" "That's what water slides off!" Aziraphale took a deep breath. "Just drive the car, please," he said wearily.

Terry Pratchett
Ducks, Water, Car

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.

Terry Pratchett
People, Witch, Granny
Terry Pratchett (2012). “A Blink of the Screen: Collected Short Fiction”, p.235, Random House

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Terry Pratchett
Letting Go, Children, People
"Terry Pratchett in quotes: 15 of the best". www.theguardian.com. March 12, 2015.

The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.

Terry Pratchett
Girl, Jobs, Growing Up

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