Fun Quotes - Page 7

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

Celebrate your success and find humor in your failures. Don't take yourself so seriously. Loosen up and everyone around you will loosen up. Have fun and always show enthusiasm. When all else fails, put on a costume and sing a silly song.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

I have a fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God, written by those who were inspired. I study the Bible daily.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.