Fun Quotes - Page 5

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Let me remind you that this is God's universe, and He is doing things His way. You may think you have a better way, but you don't have a universe to rule.

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I ain't afraid to love a man. I ain't afraid to shoot him either.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

Act your age, not your shoe size.

The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

You don't lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.

I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat you'll be able to chew your own ass out for pissin' me off.

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

Trample the weak. Hurdle the dead.

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

One day ladies will take their computers for walks in the park and tell each other, "My little computer said such a funny thing this morning".

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.