Fun Quotes - Page 6

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

You’d be surprised at the things that look great on the outside but are dysfunctional on the inside. Be sure to function as good as you look

There was a knock on our dressing-room door. Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

We must be mad, literally mad, as a nation to be permitting the annual inflow of some 50,000 dependents, who are for the most part the material of the future growth of the immigrant-descended population. It is like watching a nation busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I have to be seen to be believed.