Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 3

Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want to make your move before the opponent does, because the first person to stomp from the room receives valuable Argument Points that can be redeemed for exciting merchandise at the Marital Prize Redemption Center.

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.

The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.

Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn't be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he's the person I want to strain with.

I was married once before, and I stopped.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.

I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?

If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman.

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.