Humorous Quotes - Page 3

Acid is not for every brain .... Only the healthy, happy, wholesome, handsome, hopeful, humorous, high-velocity should seek these experiences. This elitism is totally self-determined. Unless you are self-confident, self-directed, self-selected, please abstain.

One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face...

If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

The ability to play the clarinet is the ability to overcome the imperfections of the instrument. There's no such thing as a perfect clarinet, never was and never will be.

Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.

When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.

Subversive, ethical, ecological, political, humorous ... this is how I see my duty as a designer.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Young people everywhere have been allowed to choose between love and a garbage disposal unit. Everywhere they have chosen the garbage disposal unit.

By the way, did you ever realize that if Moses would have turned right instead of left, we'd have had the oil, the Arabs would have had the sand?

We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it's legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.