Humorous Quotes - Page 6

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.

Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans, there'd be no work for tinkers' hands

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Sometimes the person who is the most logical is the person whom we call insane.

To be a colored man in America ... and enjoy it, you must be greatly daring, greatly stolid, greatly humorous and greatly sensitive. And at all times a philosopher.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

There are no nudists in cold areas.

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might be.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.

I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but by God, they frighten me.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.