Witty Quotes - Page 37

Tarrasch's 'dogmas' are not eternal truisms, but merely instructional material presented in an accessible and witty form, those necessary rudiments from which one can begin to grasp the secrets of chess.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

Until the day arrives when all women decide that our rights are not negotiable, our future choices will not be secure.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

In every civilization, life grows easier. Men grow lazier in consequence. We have a picture of what happened to the individual Greek. (I cannot look at history, or at any human action, except as I look at the individual.) The Greeks had good food, good witty talk, pleasant dinner parties; and they were content. When the individual man had reached that condition in Athens, when the thought not of giving to the state but of what the state could give to him, Athens' freedom was doomed.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

Pornography is in the loin of the beholder.

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.

There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.

What do you take me for, an idiot?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

The English never draw a line without blurring it.

A fool and his words are soon parted.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

A witty saying proves nothing.

If two things don't fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that's credulity.