Witty Quotes - Page 40

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.

Nowadays three witty turns of phrase and a lie make a writer.

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I would like to be able to admire a man's opinions as I would his dog - without being expected to take it home with me.

When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial.

Advertising is what you do when you can't go see somebody. That's all it is.

I like a girl who's smart, they have to be able to grasp witty sarcasm.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Now it is necessary to court her, and win her, and put on this clean dressing gown, and cut my various nails, and drink something that will kill the millions of germs in my mouth, and say something flattering, and be witty and bonny, and hale and kinky, all just to ease this wrinkle in the groin. It seems a high price.

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them: How do you think I got the job?

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

He would make a lovely corpse.

I didn't like parties.I didn't know how to dance and people frightened me, especially people at parties. They attempted to be sexy and gay and witty and although they hoped they were good at it, they weren 't. They were bad at it. Their trying so hard only made it worse.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.

Howard Zinn was magical as a teacher. Witty, irreverent, and wise, he loved what he was teaching and clearly wanted his students to love it, also.

What I need is a woman who is something, anything: either very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very wicked; very witty or very stupid, but something.

Everything deep is also simple and can be reproduced simply as long as its reference to the whole truth is maintained. But what matters is not what is witty but what is true.

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!

He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath.

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly.

When I think of Cool Britannia I think of old people dying of hypothermia.