Witty Quotes - Page 39

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

Observe it, the vulgar often laugh, but never smile, whereas well-bred people often smile, and seldom or never laugh. A witty thing never excited laughter, it pleases only the mind and never distorts the countenance.

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all

Wit is the appearance, the external flash, of fantasy. Hence its divinity and the similarity to the wit of mysticism.

You can look at a person's attitude and know what kind of thinking is prevalent in his life... It's better to be positive and wrong than negative and right!

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

You have delighted us long enough.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

A cat is witty, he has nerve, he knows how to do precisely the right thing at the right moment.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

I'd like to start a religion. That's where the money is.