Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Bill Maher Quotes - Page 21

All Quotes Abortion Abstinence Age Army Art Atheism Atheist Belief Birth Bullshit Cancer Character Children Chocolate Choices Christ Church Coffee College Comedy Communion Country Culture Debate Democracy Doubt Evil Feelings Fighting Fun Funny Giving Hate Health Care Heaven Hell Home House Human Nature Hurt Internet Jesus Justice Killing Kissing Leaving Lying Magic Mankind Military Moon Office Opportunity Pain Palin Past Police Politics Pope Pot Racism Rage Rain Reading Reality Religion Responsibility Running Sacrifice School Selling Shame Sin Sleep Smoking Sports Stupidity Tea Team Today Violence Virtue Voting Wall War Weed Wife Winning Worry

What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra Streisand. I think they want him on a stamp so they can lick his ass. I think they wanted to name

What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra Streisand. I think they want him on a stamp so they can lick his ass. I think they wanted to name airports after him so they can say, "I'm coming into Reagan!"

Gay, Thinking, Airports

"Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.

Weed, Marijuana, Secret

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass...and, by god, today they went in and looked for it... They didn't find it. So now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "success" in the same sentence.

Successful, President, Lasts

"Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

Saddam Hussein is Hitler like Oasis was The Beatles.

Oasis, Hussein, Saddam

"Real Time with Bill Maher". Talk-Show, www.imdb.com. (2003 - ).

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

Hate, People, Tea

"Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?

Country, Guy

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider.

People, News, Foxes

"Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

I was just at the newly opened Creationist Museum in Kentucky.... And they have this exhibit of a giant dinosaur...with a saddle on its back. Because the world is only 5000 years old, so man and the dinosaurs had to coexist, and, of course, we rode them. A theory I thought laughable at the age of eight when I saw it on THE FLINTSTONES!

Men, Years, Museums

"Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

Games, Mad, Religion

"Bill Maher: Be More Cynical". Comedy, 2000.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

Country, Religious, Taken

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Men, Want, Realist

"Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.

Lying, Two, Politics

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'

Iraq, President, Pouring

Well, that's exactly the wrong attitude. That is not the attitude they had in World War II. You're attitude is that freedom means you can do whatever you want whenever you want it. And that sacrifice is somehow un-American. [...] But the idea that we should also be defensive about our flaws and our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities is ridiculous.

Attitude, War, Mean

"Cnn Talkback Live" with Arthel Neville, www.cnn.com. November 18, 2002.

When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.

Country, Iran, Turkeys

We're always on a tightrope. We're trying to put together people who don't make sense to be together, talking about issues that are sensitive and controversial. We're mixing dangerous chemicals on a nightly basis.

Talking, Issues, People

Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

Want, Mainstream, Enjoy

"Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home". TV Special, July 19, 2003.

The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.

Sports, Snowboarding, Smoking

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

Religious, Wine, Glasses

Bill Maher (2003). “When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden: What the Government Should Be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism”, New Millenium

To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

Roger, Mets, Pharmacist

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Tattoo, Spiritual, Character

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.

Running, Thinking, President

So when I say we had been the cowards, yes, that's what I meant, we as a society. And that's everybody, including myself. I had been screaming about the drug war and this war and other wars. I should have been more on terrorism, too. So should you, so should everybody.

War, Should Have, Drug

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Two, Room Service, Sandwiches

Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.

Sleep, America, Three

You May Also Like: