Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
I think when I envisioned my documentaries, what I wanted to do when I left, I had no business doing those documentaries. I didn't know what I was doing. I was delving into an arena that I had no experience in, and Netflix paired me up with two documentarians that really executed my vision perfectly. That was great, to see that. All of a sudden I'm at Sundance, and those are premiering. I just thought, "Wow, they were four ideas I pitched one day, and now it's coming to fruition on this scale."
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.
I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.
Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.
A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Nothing is more American than stuffing your face with loaded potato skins while drinking loaded mudslides.
Everyone is coming from a place of fear and my feeling is stop being so afraid. If something doesn't work then that's fine at least then you know it doesn't work. Don't worry so much about it not working, you can always fix that.
If you wait too long in Vegas, you end up with a chicken finger in your underwear.
It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.
It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.
You know what they say, when one door closes, another Belvedere opens.
I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.
I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.
