Phyllis Diller Quotes - Page 9

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.