You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
There's a buzz to failing and not dying.
You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's get a grilled cheese sandwich."
I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.
Baby carrots are making me gay.
Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.
The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.
Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!
I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.
You should spend more time with your families; write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.
Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.
