Fun Quotes - Page 34

New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

When I was in first grade, everyone made fun of my name, of course. I think it's kind of a big name to hold up when you're nine years old. It seemed goofy. I used to tell people I wanted to change the world and they used to think, 'This kid's really weird'.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Adversity, if you allow it to, will fortify you and make you the best you can be.

When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

Remember that true beauty comes from within - from within bottles, jars, compacts, and lipstick tubes

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

If the right to vote were expanded to seven year olds … its policies would most definitely reflect the ‘legitimate concerns’ of children to have ‘adequate’ and ‘equal’ access to ‘free’ french fries, lemonade and videos.

When elected officials abandon our environment and ruin our natural resources, public health is endangered. I know the importance of providing a clean environment for our children; I have attended more than one funeral for a child who has died from an asthma attack.

Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

Someday I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds Are far behind me Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me

The supreme function of statesmanship is to provide against preventable evils.

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs with a harvest.

A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey.

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

I did graduate with a bachelor's degree in civil engineering in 1948.