Fun Quotes - Page 33

We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it's legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.

It's better to live one day as a lion than a dozen years as a sheep.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

The correct statement of individual rights is that everyone has the right to an opinion, but crucially, that opinion can be roundly ignored and even made fun of, particularly if it is demonstrably nonsense!

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide.

Peace is not a luxury. It's not an option. It is fundamental to the existence and well-being of a human being to have peace in their life.

The more we study the more we discover our ignorance.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

I am very happy to be alive. There is much fun to be had. Music, movies, books, paintings, drawingsI hope you have these things where you are. If you have them, what does the real world matter anyway?

The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.