Funny Love Quotes - Page 2

In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

If I eat a huge meal and I can get the girl to rub my belly, I think that's about as romantic as I can think of.

My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.

Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

If I had no sense of humor I should long ago have committed suicide.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.