Humor Quotes - Page 93

I think laughter may be a form of courage. As humans we sometimes stand tall and look into the sun and laugh, and I think we are never more brave than when we do that.

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought.

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.

There is nothing so debilitating to a naturally weak sense of humor as selling tickets behind a grating.

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

When you come right down to it, the secret to having it all is loving it all.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

I guess God has a sense of humor, when he had a man that wanted to start his life as a priest, end up marrying a preacher.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously because I think our opposition, whoever they may be in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

Sometimes those who need it the most are inclined the least.

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.

Follow your own weird.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"