Humorous Quotes - Page 31

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.

A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.

Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.

If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it.

Tell me about yourself - your struggles, your dreams, your telephone number.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.

Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance.

He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.

The best actors do not let the wheels show.

I love making people laugh, and to be able to be that humorous character was great. And I actually was very similar to Neville Longbottom. I was very shy and chubby-cheeked. I wasn't bullied at school, but I wasn't particularly outgoing. We were similar. And so I loved playing him.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.

Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about?

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical.

What medicines do not heal, the lance will; what the lance does not heal, fire will.

Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.

I don't want to have a bad influence on anybody, but there's no point in my giving up cigarettes now. I won't die young.

The thing I miss about Air Force One is they don't lose my luggage.

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.