Humorous Quotes - Page 29

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

I am not an economist. I am an honest man!

I think it would be a good idea.

I saw what a mess a lot of people could make of their lives when they're smitten. Some of them go temporarily insane. They find a person who they think holds the key to their happiness-the only key to their happiness... My work has always been my greatest happiness

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

I've been things and seen places.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

Sometimes those who need it the most are inclined the least.

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

You cannot just quote from history and above all you cannot take it out of context, in however humorous a fashion . On the contrary history has a natural continuity which must be respected

In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States.

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience.

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.

The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.