Sarcastic Quotes - Page 31

Yeah, he's in pain except between the first and ninth innings

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

That’s the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell.

It's fun to be sarcastic, but now I'm able to express myself in a way that's much more sincere.

It's so normal for a teenager to dress in black -- and be real unhappy and stay in your room and say sarcastic things. How could something so normal be considered morbid?

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.

Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.

Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment.

Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.

In Lubbock, we grew up with two main things: God loves you and he's gonna send you to hell, and that sex is bad and dirty and nasty and awful and you should save it for the one you love.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

He [Napoleon] was as great as a man can be without morality.

Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.

She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things th