Sarcastic Quotes - Page 30

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.

His face was filled with broken commandments.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

He strains his conversation through a cigar.

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.

It is a noteworthy fact that kicking and beating have played so considerable a part in the habits which necessity has imposed on mankind in past ages that the only way of preventing civilized men from beating and kicking their wives is to organize games in which they can kick and beat balls.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.

He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

Perfume: any smell that is used to drown a worse one.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.

It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest hopes and fears of those who use it. After all, it was designed to withstand nuclear war, not just the puny huffs and puffs of politicians and religious fanatics.

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.