Sarcastic Quotes - Page 33

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes

People often think I'm a faker, but I'm usually honest, in a certain way--in such a way that often nobody believes me!

In order to know whether a human being is young or old, offer it food of different kinds at short intervals. If young, it will eat anything at any hour of the day or night.

I'm very bubbly, so when people meet me, they sometimes think I'm fake. I'm excited to meet new people, but I guess I sound I'm being sarcastic.

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

Critics are reprimanded when they get sarcastic. How absurd! Is the torch of criticism supposed to shine without burning?

Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.

Folks always look good in their coffins.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

I love smiles. That is a fact. How to develop smiles? There are a variety of smiles. Some smiles are sarcastic. Some smiles are artificial-diplomatic smiles. These smiles do not produce satisfaction, but rather fear or suspicion. But a genuine smile gives us hope, freshness. If we want a genuine smile, then first we must produce the basis for a smile to come.

Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.

I am pretty sarcastic and pretty dry.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

I played a lot of sarcastic, wisecracking characters for a long time, and people would think that was me. And it's very much not me, and then people would think I was being sarcastic when I wasn't: 'Oh, you're making fun of me right now.' And I wasn't!

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem?

Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father.

This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.

Now then, you dogs, whom the apostle puts outside and who yelp at the God of truth, let us come to your various questions.

I thought I dreamed you." The words whisper from my parched throat. His head tilts to one side, his mouth shifting to something less sarcastic, more amused. "That may be the most enchanting thing I've ever been told after spending the night with a girl.