Bob Hope Quotes about Funny - Page 2

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to press it for me.