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Jay Leno Quotes - Page 3

All Quotes Age Apology Beach Blame Cheating Children Clinton College Comedy Cooking Country Dad Dating Divorce Earth Easter Eating Economy Energy Fighting Food Football Friday Fun Funny Genius Giving Giving Up Global Warming Golf Halloween Hate Healthcare Heart Hell Holiday Home House Hurt Husband Inspirational John Kerry Justice Liberty Life Listening Los Angeles Losing Lying Math Military Money Morning Mountain New Year Office Osama Bin Laden Palin Past Politics Prayer Reality Running Safety School Sleep Smoking Son Sports Students Suffering Taliban Taxes Team Terrorism Today Training Vacation Victory Waiting Wall War Water Wife Winning Work Out Worry Writing

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.

Jobs, Yesterday, President

A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy is also his climate change policy.

Mean, President, Climate

Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.

Men, Hands, One Day

We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.

War, Fighting, President

There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't paying attention.

Fda, Drug, Attention

According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it's not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.

Phones, Nsa, People

According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.

Country, Thinking, Polls

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

Funny, Life, Food

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

Lying, Long, Three

Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel.

War, Years, Political

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

Doctors, Medicine, Giving

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.

Kings, Humorous, Thinking

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

Country, Fire, Bird

This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.

Hate, White, People

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Jobs, Tunnels, Snow

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

Sex, Cigarette Smoke, Smoking

Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore.

Writing, Usa, Iraq

The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn't read it at all.

Jobs, White, House

Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.

Jobs, People, Waiting

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

Thanksgiving, Fun, Long

The New York Police Department says Iran has conducted surveillance inside New York City. They say Iranian operatives are using special mobile surveillance units. I believe they're called taxi cabs.

New York, Believe, Taxi Cabs

Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it.

Sex, Men, Thinking

"Top Gear" (Episode #13.7, 2009), (2002–).

Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix global warming. You know, it's as if these people don't hate us enough already. I mean, they live in mud huts, they have thatch roofs, their clothes are made of straw. We pull up in a bunch of Humvees and SUVs going, 'Hey, you want to cut the smoke out of here?'

Country, Hate, Mean

A New York doctor has finished a five year study on what smells have the biggest effect on New Yorkers. The smell New Yorkers like the most: vanilla. The smell New Yorkers like the least: New Jersey.

New York, Doctors, Years

L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time.

Cities, Twenties, Stores

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