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Mark Twain Quotes about Religion

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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

Christian, Religious, Religion

"Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations".

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

Religion, Atheism, Impossible

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

Religion, Atheism, Fickle

Mark Twain, Howard G. Baetzhold, Joseph B. Mccullough (1996). “The Bible According to Mark Twain”, p.317, Simon and Schuster

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's.

Religious, Men, Religion

Mark Twain (2015). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 3: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.133, Univ of California Press

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life-hence it is a valuable possession to him.

Believe, Men, Religion

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

Eight, Wife, Religion

Mark Twain (1984). “The Innocents Abroad ; Roughing it”, p.290, Library of America

It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.

Rain, Weather, Religion

Mark Twain, Caroline Thomas Harnsberger (2009). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.513, Courier Corporation

The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

Change, Science, Religion

Mark Twain (1972). “Everyone's Mark Twain”

Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.

Religious, Religion, Littles

We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.

People, Religion, Sacred Things

Mark Twain (2015). “Following the Equator: "A Journey Around the World"”, p.544, eKitap Projesi

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

God, Political, Religion

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

Men, Religion, Want

Mark Twain (2013). “Mark Twain's Letters”, p.43, Simon and Schuster

In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

Atheist, Believe, Religion

Mark Twain (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations”, p.27, Courier Corporation

We were good boys, good Presbyterian boys, and loyal and all that; anyway, we were good Presbyterian boys when the weather was doubtful; when it was fair, we did wander a little from the fold.

Boys, Weather, Religion

Mark Twain (2004). “Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race”, p.134, Univ of California Press

I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.

Biblical, Men, Religion

Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.177, BIG BYTE BOOKS

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

God, Religion, Atheism

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.207, Courier Corporation

[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.

Religion, Fables, Tradition

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.32, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.

Ignorance, Religion, Atheism

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

Religious, Atheist, Religion

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

Moon, Religion, Sun

Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.61, BIG BYTE BOOKS

One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it. They also believed the world was flat.

Soul, Religion, World

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.198, Courier Corporation

Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

Funeral, Religion, World

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.401, Courier Corporation

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

Religion, Atheism, Deities

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.222, Courier Corporation

In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. . . . There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; . . . she was doing in all this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery.

Children, Religion, Age

Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!

Heaven, Religion, Lasts

Mark Twain (2013). “Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven”, p.20, Baen Publishing Enterprises

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