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Mark Twain Quotes about Money

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We have the best government that money can buy.

We have the best government that money can buy.

Funny, Sarcastic, Money

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

Money, Bitterness, Delight

Mark Twain (2004). “The Letters of Mark Twain”, p.79, 1st World Publishing

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Money, Rich, Foolish

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.20, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship money.

Money, Hero, Men

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.525, Courier Corporation

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Funny, Sarcastic, Money

Mark Twain (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations”, p.33, Courier Corporation

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

Money, Virtue, Respectable

Mark Twain (1869). “The Innocents Abroad: or, The New Pilgrims' Progress”, p.589

If all men were rich, all men would be poor.

Money, Men, Would Be

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.406, Courier Corporation

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

Money, Littles, Wealth

Mark Twain, Howard G. Baetzhold, Joseph B. Mccullough (1996). “The Bible According to Mark Twain”, p.24, Simon and Schuster

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Funny, Money, Differences

Notebook, Dec. 1902

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

Life, Money, Business

Following the Equator ch. 56, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

Geological time is not money.

Time, Money, Geological Time

Mark Twain (194?). “Mark Twain's notebook”

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Witty, Money, Funny Inspirational

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Money, Hair, People

"The Unabridged Mark Twain".

Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.

Money, Entrepreneur, Poverty

Mark Twain (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations”, p.12, Courier Corporation

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

Funny, Money, Mines

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money off them.

Money, Science, Scientist

The Bee (published 1917)

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

Money, Writing, Cities

Mark Twain, Bob Blaisdell (2013). “Great Speeches”, p.134, Courier Corporation

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

Funny, Wise, Money

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 15

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Friendship, Sweet, Money

Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 8, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.

Money, Gold, Twenties

Mark Twain (2008). “10 Books in 1”, p.117, Shoes & Ships & Sealing Wax

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