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Mark Twain Quotes about God

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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

God, Sarcastic, Education

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.15, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Funny, Cute, God

Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

God, Educational, Tired

Notebook, 1903

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

God, Political, Religion

What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

God, Atheist, Character

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

God, Thinking, Voice

Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.44, St. Martin's Press

The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.

God, Christian, Army

"Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations".

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Funny, Life, God

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

Happiness, Happy, God

Mark Twain (2016). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain”, p.182, Chartwell

Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.

God, Christian, Men

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.34, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

God, Religion, Atheism

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.207, Courier Corporation

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

God, People, Suffering

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

God, Religious, Responsibility

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.387, Courier Corporation

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

God, Healthy, Mind

Mark Twain, William M. Gibson (1969). “Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts”, p.26, Univ of California Press

God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

God, Romance, Sacred

Mark Twain, Albert Bigelow Paine (1971). “Mark Twain's notebook”, Scholarly Pr

Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.

God, Differences, Editors

Mark Twain (1972). “Everyone's Mark Twain”

None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

God, Good God

Mark Twain (194?). “Mark Twain's notebook”

God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.

God, Writing, Attention

Mark Twain (2004). “The Letters of Mark Twain”, p.79, 1st World Publishing

Man proposes, but God blocks the game.

God, Block, Men

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

God pours out love upon all with a lavish hand -- but He reserves vengeance for His very own.

God, Hands, Vengeance

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

God, Fashion, Leaving

Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain's Speeches”, p.95, Xist Publishing

Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

God, Heaven, May

Mark Twain (1924). “Mark Twain's Own Autobiography: The Chapters from the North American Review”, p.29, Univ of Wisconsin Press

All gods are better than their reputation.

God, Novelists, Reputation

God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.

God, Men, Hands

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

God, Men, Done

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

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