Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Mark Twain Quotes about Heaven

All Mark Twain Quotes 4th Of July Accomplishment Achievement Addiction Adventure Adversity Age Aging Alcohol Ambition Anxiety Appearance Appreciation Arguing Army Arrogance Art Atheism Atheist Attitude Authority Balance Beauty Beer Being Alone Belief Bible Bitterness Blame Bliss Bravery Business Censorship Challenges Change Character Charity Chastity Children Christianity Church Coffee College Comedy Communication Community Compassion Confidence Conflict Conscience Conservatism Constitution Cooking Country Courage Crime Criticism Dance Dancing Darkness Death Deception Defeat Democracy Design Desire Determination Devil Disappointment Diversity Divorce Doubt Drinking Duty Dying Earth Education Effort Encouragement Energy Enthusiasm Envy Epic Ethics Evidence Evil Exercise Experience Failing Failure Family Fashion Fear Feelings Fighting Finding Yourself Fitness Flattery Focus Food Forgiveness Free Speech Freedom Friends Friendship Fun Funeral Funny Future Genius Getting Older Giving Giving Up God Gold Good Times Gossip Grace Graduation Gratitude Greatness Greed Grief Grieving Growing Up Growth Happiness Happy Hard Times Hard Work Hate Healing Health Heart Heaven quotes Hell Hilarious Hills Hinduism History Holiday Home Honesty Honor House Human Nature Humanity Humility Hunger Hunting Hurt Hypocrisy Ignorance Imagination Independence Individuality Innovation Insanity Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Integrity Intelligence Journey Joy Judgement Judging Judgment Justice Kindness Knowledge Labor Language Laughter Law Of Attraction Leadership Learning Liars Liberty Life Life And Death Literature Loneliness Losing Loss Love Loyalty Luck Lying Madness Manners Marriage Math Memorial Day Memories Military Moderation Modesty Mom Monarchy Money Moon Morality Morning Motivation Motivational Mountain Music Nature New Year Office Opportunity Optimism Pain Parenting Passion Past Patriotism Peace Perception Perfection Perseverance Personality Philosophy Planning Pleasure Politics Positive Positive Thinking Positivity Poverty Power Praise Prayer Preaching Prejudice Pride Privacy Profanity Progress Prophecy Prosperity Purpose Quality Rain Reading Reading Books Reality Recovery Regret Religion Reputation Respect Responsibility Revolution Risk Running Sad Sadness Sailing Salvation Sanity Sarcasm Satan School Science Self Esteem Seven Shame Silence Simplicity Sin Skins Sleep Smoking Society Solitude Son Sorrow Soul Sports Spring Strength Struggle Study Stupidity Style Success Suffering Summer Sunday Sunshine Swimming Talent Taxes Teaching Temperance Temptation Time Today Trade Tradition Tragedy Training Travel Trust Truth Twins Undertaker Vacation Values Violence Virtue Vision Vocation Voting Waiting War Water Wealth Whiskey Wife Wine Winning Winter Wisdom Wit Work Worry Worship Writing Youth

There is no humor in heaven.

There is no humor in heaven.

Heaven

Following the Equator ch. 10, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

Heaven, Want, Bermuda

I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.

Happiness, Men, Heaven

Mark Twain (2003). “Tales of Wonder”, p.28, U of Nebraska Press

Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.

Men, Light, Heaven

"Mark Twain's notebook".

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

Religious, Men, Heaven

If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.

Heaven, Smoking, Cigar

Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize?

Animal, Heaven, Hell

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

Funny, Humorous, Heaven

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.382, Courier Corporation

...heaven for climate, and hell for society.

Heaven, Climate, Hell

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.177, Courier Corporation

Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.

Fire, Heaven, Looks

Mark Twain, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Mark Twain: All 13 Novels, Short Stories, Poetry and Essays”, p.223, GENERAL PRESS

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

Funny, Humor, Heaven

It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere.

Sorry, Ideas, Heaven

Mark Twain, Howard G. Baetzhold, Joseph B. Mccullough (1996). “The Bible According to Mark Twain”, p.225, Simon and Schuster

God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Fun, Heaven, Climate

Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

Heaven, Bartender, Novel

Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.

Country, Travel, Heaven

Mark Twain, Michael Barry Frank, Robert Pack Browning, Lin Salamo, Frederick Anderson, Mark Twain (1980). “Mark Twain's Notebooks & Journals, Volume III: (1883-1891)”, p.574, Univ of California Press

The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

Joy, Heaven, Intercourse

Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

God, Heaven, May

Mark Twain (1924). “Mark Twain's Own Autobiography: The Chapters from the North American Review”, p.29, Univ of Wisconsin Press

When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

Book, Heaven, Would Be

Mark Twain (1972). “Everyone's Mark Twain”

We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons.

Heaven, Doubt, May

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.449, Courier Corporation

It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.

Eye, Men, Heaven

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.149, Courier Corporation

Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!

Heaven, Religion, Lasts

Mark Twain (2013). “Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven”, p.20, Baen Publishing Enterprises

It is plain that there is one moral law for heaven and another for the earth. The pulpit assures us that wherever we see suffering and sorrow, which we can relieve and do not, we sin, heavily. There was never yet a case of suffering or sorrow which God could not relieve. Does He sin then?

Law, Heaven, Suffering

Mark Twain, John Sutton Tuckey (1980). “The Devil's Race-track: Mark Twain's Great Dark Writings : the Best from Which was the Dream? and Fables of Man”, p.21, Univ of California Press

You May Also Like: