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Phyllis Diller Quotes - Page 2

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.12, Penguin

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

"New Again: Janeane Garofalo". Interview with Phyllis Diller, www.interviewmagazine.com. July 29, 2015.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

"Phyllis Diller, Sassy Comedian, Dies at 95" by Richard Severo, Peter Keepnews, www.nytimes.com. August 20, 2012.

I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.20, Penguin

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.

Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

"Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael R. Drew and Robert J. Hughes, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.

Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.270, Penguin

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

"Comedian Phyllis Diller dies 'with a smile on her face'" by Alan Duke, www.cnn.com. August 22, 2012.