Fun Quotes - Page 18

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Christ has not only spoken to us by his life but has also spoken for us by his death.

If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.

True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

History repeats itself, the first as tragedy, then as farce.

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open.

You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd.

A fundamental contradiction does not exist between socialism and a market economy.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

Coming of age in a fascist police state will not be a barrel of fun for anybody, much less for people like me, who are not inclined to suffer Nazis gladly and feel only contempt for the cowardly flag-suckers who would gladly give up their outdated freedom to live for the mess of pottage they have been conned into believing will be freedom from fear.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.