Fun Quotes - Page 70

I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you've got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside down.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.

When all think alike, then no one is thinking

Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.

Dear me! I must be turning into a god.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

The advantages? Exercise, no parking problems, gas prices, it's fun. An automobile is expensive. You have to find a place to park and it's not fun. So why not ride a bicycle? I recommend it.

I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better.

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

Plus, doing a zombie movie is quite liberating. It's fun not to take myself seriously all the time.

I went to college at the University of Kansas, where I got a degree in political science.

Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself.

How time flies when one has fun!

Have fun, because that's what life is all about.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it.

Mansell can see him in his earphone.

I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.

I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.