Fun Quotes - Page 69

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Don't be afraid to assert yourself, have confidence in your abilities and don't let the bastards get you down.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

You'll never be disappointed if you always keep an eye on uncharted territory, where you'll be challenged and growing and having fun.

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.

Macroeconomic policy can never be devoid of politics: it involves fundamental trade-offs and affects different groups differently.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

George,” said Fred, “I think we’ve outgrown full-time education.” “Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way myself,” said George lightly.

The rules are: The more playful we get, the more we can get rid of the rules.

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

My whole thing is to entertain, make people laugh and to forget about the real world for awhile.

I think that making love is the best form of exercise.

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.