Humorous Quotes - Page 11

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

True humor is fun - it does not put down, kid, or mock. It makes people feel wonderful, not separate, different, and cut off. True humor has beneath it the understanding that we are all in this together.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman.

There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.

Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea.

If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist.

The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

There is no Democratic or Republican way of cleaning the streets.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted.

Most successful investors, in fact, do nothing most of the time.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

You are never too old to become younger!

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

Not enough gets said about the importance of abandoning crap.

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

The trouble with being educated is that it takes a long time; it uses up the better part of your life and when you are finished what you know is that you would have benefited more by going into banking.

Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it or you don't. You can't attain it. There are terrible forms of professional humor, the humorists' humor. That can be awful. It depresses me because it is artificial. You can't always be humorous, but a professional humorist must. That is a sad phenomenon.

Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.