Humorous Quotes - Page 10

The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.

Insomnia: A contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I have read your book and much like it.

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.

This act will leave a moral blot on his presidency

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription.

Streets crowded with people strolling, or sitting at outdoor cafes. And always, talking, gesturing, singing, laughing. I liked Rome immediately.Everybody was a performer.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

An actor who knows his business ought to be able to make the London telephone directory sound enthralling.

If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought.

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

One of the first sights that shocked me, when I came to Israel in 1921, was an Arab turning over a field with a very primitive plow; pulling the plow were an ox and a woman. Now, if it means that we have destroyed this romantic picture by bringing in tractors, combines, and threshing machines, this is true: we have.

I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of humor. Not necessarily laugh-out-loud type of stuff, just a sense that there is a humorous edge to things. I do like that.

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me.

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

I've heard Eric Clapner, ... I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did...So I think that's the wonderful part about it, but listen - I like Eric Clapner!

There is hardship in everything except eating pancakes.