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David Letterman Quotes - Page 17

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I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

David Letterman
Guy, Looks, Picture Frames

President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.

David Letterman
Two, President, Week

I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

David Letterman
Brother, Looks, Brooks

Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.

David Letterman
Bars, Blame, Snooki

Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and agonized over every word, and so will you.

David Letterman
Book, Pages, Bigs

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

David Letterman
White, House, Trying

Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.

David Letterman
Brother, War, Iraq

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.

David Letterman
Fighting, Two, Funeral

Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah's Witnesses finally got fed up and said, 'Get lost. Get out of here!'

David Letterman
Home, Doors, Iowa

The issue of gay marriage has reached the Supreme Court and observers are analyzing every detail to predict how each justice will vote. Experts say Chief Justice John Roberts is likely to rule in favor of gay marriage based on the fact that he spent Tuesday's hearings watching the Tony Award nominations.

David Letterman
Gay, Awards, Issues

Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'

David Letterman
Distance, Men, Guy

There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial.

David Letterman
Interesting, Annoyed, Would Be
David Letterman, Andy Breckman (1985). “Late night with David Letterman: the book”, Random House Inc

Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.

David Letterman
Team, Party, Today

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.

David Letterman
Country, Utah, Squad

Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.

David Letterman
Retirement, Russia, Utah

President Obama says he wants to put an end to the policy, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' Yeah, in the military. This is not to be confused with George Bush's policy, 'Don't Know, Don't Care.' That's a whole different deal.

David Letterman
Confused, Military, President

The new 'Mad Max' movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in 'Mad Max.' I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.

David Letterman
Play, Mad, Max

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.

David Letterman
Two, Hopeful, Presidential

Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.

David Letterman
Sex, Newts, Wells

Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.

David Letterman
Moon, Want, Firsts

Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.

David Letterman
Years, Earth Day, Example

I'm having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything's all right.

David Letterman
Guy, Looks, Tables

Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.

David Letterman
Sunday, Awards, Actors

Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. As you remember, he was thrown out of the league when he landed his gyrocopter on the White House lawn.

David Letterman
Eagles, Nfl, White

Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.

David Letterman
Running, Talking, Fake

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