Jerry Seinfeld Quotes - Page 7

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

Celebrity is no different from any other energy. It's a force for good or evil. It's no different from money. It's power.

You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it."

There is no more embarrassing thing in my life than the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, 'I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.'

The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

The hardest thing in comedy is to have the biggest laugh at the end, and it’s the most satisfying thing.

People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.

Ever noticed that no matter what happens in one day, it exactly fits in the newspaper?

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea of an attention span is, I think, a misnomer. People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.

I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.

The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.

What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?