Humor Quotes - Page 97

A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better.

The friendship that we established early on in our marriage ... that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor.

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

I wonder whether if I had an education I should have been more or less a fool that I am.

It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Talkers are no good doers.

It might suprise you to know I think I raised them too much, too

Indeed, I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

I am on the right wing of the middle of the road and with a strong radical bias.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."