Humorous Quotes - Page 27

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.

The past does not equal the future.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

What is your Self? Self is nothing but joy. A joyous person is definitely a person who has got his Self expressing through his joy. Such a person is so joy-giving, so humorous, and never degrading anyone.

... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of Camptown Races. Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.

God always has another custard pie up his sleeve.

Communism is like one big phone company.

The steady state of disks is full.

Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if He had more imagination.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.

I can't even tell you what else I imagined. I can only humiliate myself to such a degree; at a certain point it becomes humorous, and this story is not meant to be humorous. This story is meant to winch your ribs open and tamper with your heart. This story is meant to make you realize that your chances of happiness in this world are terribly slim if you lack a fine imagination.

I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Part of the reason for the ugliness of adults, in a child's eyes, is that the child is usually looking upwards, and few faces are at their best when seen from below.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.