Wit Quotes - Page 9

Big Data is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.

You cannot receive what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

Government 'help' to business is just as disastrous as government persecution... the only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Humor is consistent with pathos, whilst wit is not.

I got to go to Malaysia, Germany, Switzerland, Madrid, America.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.

There is a light within each of us that can never be diminished or extinguished. It can only be obscured by forgetting who we are

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Vote early and vote often.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.

A covenant made with God should be regarded not as restrictive but as protective.