Bob Hope Quotes - Page 4

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.

Television is the box they buried entertainment in.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

The only time to believe any kind of rating is when it shows you at the top.