Bob Hope Quotes - Page 7

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

Please don't stand up on my account.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.