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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 68

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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth

Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth

Mark Twain
Inspiration, Government, Democracy

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

Mark Twain
Analyzing, Frogs, Results

Everything human is pathetic

Mark Twain
Humans, Pathetic
Following the Equator ch. 10, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.

Mark Twain
Looks, Mouths, Fool

The true charm of pedestrians does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking.

Mark Twain
Lying, Talking, Hiking

To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer.

Mark Twain
World, Authority, Fine Things
Mark Twain (1889). “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court”, p.56, Createspace Independent Pub

Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

Mark Twain
Heaven, Bartender, Novel

It is the Creator´s Grand Army, and he is the Commander-in-Chief... With these facts before you, now try to guess man´s chiefest pet name for this ferocious Commander-in-Chief? I will save you the trouble but you must not laugh. It is Our Father in Heaven.

Mark Twain
Father, Army, Men

Can it be possible that the painters make John the Baptist a Spaniard in Madrid and an Irishman in Dublin?

Mark Twain
Pain, Baptists, Dublin
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.4285, Delphi Classics

Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.

Mark Twain
Differences, Light, Duration
Mark Twain, Bob Blaisdell (2013). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain”, p.84, Courier Corporation

I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.

Mark Twain
Cat, Men, Tails

Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization-one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?

Mark Twain
Home, Civilization, Two
Mark Twain (1970). “King Leopold's Soliloquy”, p.79, LeftWord Books

I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream... I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people's tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.

Mark Twain
Food, Taken, Winter
Mark Twain, Milton Meltzer (2002). “Mark Twain Himself: A Pictorial Biography”, p.10, University of Missouri Press

None but the dead are permitted to tell the truth.

Mark Twain
Telling The Truth

The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.

Mark Twain
Happiness, Wisdom, Philosophy
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.2992, Delphi Classics

We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.

Mark Twain
Country, Fashion, Travel
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.4311, Delphi Classics

The cayote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him, and even the fleas would desert him for a velocipede.

Mark Twain
Breathing, Luck, Desert
Mark Twain (2009). “Mark Twain’s Book of Animals”, p.59, Univ of California Press

A dream...I was trying to explain to St. Peter, and was doing it in the German tongue, because I didn't want to be too explicit.

Mark Twain
Dream, Trying, Want
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.142, Courier Corporation

The worst thing you can do to a man is to tell him he can have what he wants.

Mark Twain
Men, Want, Worst

Some things you can't find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.

Mark Twain
Supposing That, Goes On, Guessing
Mark Twain (2007). “The Best Short Stories of Mark Twain”, p.209, Modern Library

Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.

Mark Twain
Race, Etiquette, Admire
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.187, Courier Corporation

I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying.

Mark Twain
Lying, People, Democracy
1898 Notebook, ch.31, Feb ^ Mar.

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

Mark Twain
Lame, Trials, Murder
Mark Twain, Charles Dudley Warner (1874). “The Gilded Age: A Tale of To-day”, p.485

When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.

Mark Twain
Devil, Chicago, Purpose

My interest in my work dies a sudden and violent death when the work is done.

Mark Twain
Done, Violent, Interest
Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain’s Letters & Speeches (Annotated Edition)”, p.248, Jazzybee Verlag

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