I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.
I was skydiving horizontally.
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
I had my coat hangers spayed.
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.
The sky already fell. Now what?
I can't stop thinking like this.
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
