Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
