Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
