Fun Quotes - Page 22

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Planning is an unnatural process; it is much more fun to do something. The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression.

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

I always believe that prices move first and fundamentals come second

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.

There's nothing better than cake but more cake.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence.

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.

The Flapper awoke from her lethargy of sub-deb-ism, bobbed her hair, put on her choicest pair of earrings and a great deal of audacity and rouge and went into the battle. She flirted because it was fun to flirt and wore a one-piece bathing suit because she had a good figure she was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do. Mothers disapproved of their sons taking the Flapper to dances, to teas, to swim and most of all to heart.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.

Because the fundamental human problem is that people are afraid of change.

Discipline divorced from wisdom is not true discipline, but merely the meaningless following of custom, which is only a disguise for stupidity.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Rock n' roll is about attitude and rebellion. It's supposed to be fun and spontaneous.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

These young guys are playing checkers. I'm out there playing chess.