Funny Inspirational Quotes - Page 4

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

I try to stick to a vegan diet heavy on fruit and vegetables.

If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.

I make more mistakes than anyone else I know, and sooner or later, I patent most of them.

Even the gods love jokes.

Someone from Manolo Blahnik went into my shop and said: 'These shoes are not vegetarian.' That's the highest compliment, because you just can't tell that they are, and they are. My mum taught me to have a soul.

It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.

Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.

Excessive animal protein is at the core of many chronic diseases.

If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

You never came out the way you came in.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.

So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.

Plant a radish, get a radish, never any doubt. That's why I love vegetables, you know what they're about!

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

Don't take life too seriously.