Humor Quotes - Page 6

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.

I'm sick to death of people saying we've made 11 albums that sounds exactly the same, Infact, we've made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.

Lord, give me a sense of humor so that I may take some happiness from this life and share it with others.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.

It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.

Subversive, ethical, ecological, political, humorous ... this is how I see my duty as a designer.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.